Anxiety & Compassion

Falling sick is one difficulty in life but we tend to add on other layers of meaning to it, depending on the context.  

I was helping to facilitate a session of sitting meditation in the morning. Having an ongoing flu with irritating cough, I found myself worrying about how my voice will sound, whether I could sit in silence without coughing, whether I'll get too cold and shiver, and whether I'll be clear headed enough to speak clearly. The energy of anxiety/fear was there.

Rather than suppress the anxiety or brush it aside, I recognised that this was an energy that could be transformed for good use. I chose to reframe it with some other thoughts: 

1. Who is this event for?

2. What are we here for?

3. Why is this event important?

4. When will there ever be an optimal "me" to do this, if not now?

5. Where else can I be, if not here?

The questions helped de-center from the self, especially the expectations I have for myself and of how others may expect me to be. The focus shifted from "me" to "we", which brought more calm.

Still there was some residual irritation. So it was back to "me" again. My voice had become coarse due to the flu so it was not the me that I am used to -- I did not like this "me". The next step was to accept myself as I am, which needed a dose of self-compassion -- 

Breathing in, this is the state I am in; 

Breathing out, I accept this version of me.  

At the end of the activity, it was a pleasant surprise that I did not cough at all as it seems the transformed energy boosted my blood circulation which kept me warm and my throat moist. And from feedback, what I learned is that gentleness was felt in my voice regardless of my own perception of quality.

According to the creation story in the biblical book of Genesis, God said, “Let there be light.” I like to imagine that light replied, saying, “God, I have to wait for my twin brother, darkness, to be with me. I can’t be there without the darkness.” God asked, “Why do you need to wait? Darkness is there.” Light answered, “In that case, then I am also already there.”

-- Thich Nhat Hanh

True Name of a Flower

One day the Buddha held up a flower in front of an audience of 1,250 monks and nuns. He did not say anything for quite a long time. The audience was perfectly silent. Everyone seemed to be thinking hard, trying to see the meaning behind the Buddha’s gesture. Then, suddenly, the Buddha smiled. He smiled because someone in the audience smiled at him and at the flower … To me the meaning is quite simple. When someone holds up a flower and shows it to you, he wants you to see it. If you keep thinking, you miss the flower. The person who was not thinking, who was just himself, was able to encounter the flower in depth, and he smiled.

That is the problem of life. If we are not fully ourselves, truly in the present moment, we miss everything.

– Thich Nhat Hanh, excerpt from Peace Is Every Step

I received a question about what drives my practice as a counsellor, more specifically if there were religious values as my foundation.

My spring of inspiration is in working with people because I value compassion and love. It is not tied to any particular religion but it is the common ground of most religions.

A religion is like what we call a flower and there are many names: rose, lily, lotus, peony, and so on. The names represent the flower but it can never fully give us the experience of encountering the flower. Names are a human approximation for convenient communication and ultimately the names become arbitrary, and sometimes a burden to the flower -- it never asked to be named.

Smile and enjoy the flowers.

Dogmatism and the Body

Recently I discovered that dogmatism is not just about beliefs and ideas of the mind. As I stepped onto the ancient path of Yoga I am brought into awareness of various "beliefs" held by the body also.

These beliefs include how I believe/perceive I am standing, sitting, and moving, that is, my postures and movement patterns. Similar to the psychological model of the Johari window, the body has its "blind spots" and "unknowns". An outsider, such as a yoga teacher, can tell us our blind spots and guide us towards better postures/movements that support growth and vitality. 

However, there are obstacles because our mind-body is attached to the old ways and signals to us that it is more comfortable with status quo than to make changes -- this is what we call habits. 

External ideas can also affect our body. This is prevalent even in Yoga as a popularized sport where achievements of flexibility and challenging postures have been promoted, and the mass media is filled with beautiful young persons performing these feats.

Even seemingly beneficial spiritual paths can become dogmas if we are not cautious. One challenge I faced was about where to feel the breath during breath meditation. Was it at the nose, abdomen, or elsewhere.

We can become bound to these ideas which do not represent the inherent beauty and miracle of our own body as it is.

Quitting a habit/dogma is probably not the best approach because it is a strongly held notion with deep roots. Perhaps a better approach is to "re-program" by practicing a new habit, which is what part of Yoga training does.

Up to a point, the teacher and teachings can only do so much. Ultimately, we are left with our own awareness as an internal teacher. Hopefully by then the awareness can pierce through subtle dogmas of the mind-body.

Breathing in, I go back to the island within myself

Time for two 一念即三千;三千即一念

"Darling, I am here for you"
"I know you are there, and I am very happy"

It can be easy to slip into a pattern of negative thinking, conditioned by our own critical thinking and social views about what is "quality time" for a relationship.

These set up expectations that limit us from being fully present. When we cannot be fully present and allow our emotions of insecurity to rise up, then we are also affecting our loved one. In a way it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, a wrong view that propagates and reinforces itself.

Instead of letting views define what is "quality time", why not be fully present and construct the quality during the valuable short span of time with a loved one. 

By choosing and knowing how to be fully present, we walk on a path that leads to greater happiness and thus weaken the habit of stepping onto the negative pathways.

一念即三千；三千即一念。

The Way Out is In

As a counsellor, dealing with despair that exists in client's life is one of the most challenging aspects about the work. There is this kind of despair where one thinks the only way out is when life is ended. Confronted with this, I have sometimes felt that the work is overwhelming and I would be better off "out" of this. 

In counselling, stepping "out" means for me turning away or ignoring the matter on hand. There are many skilful ways to do this without jeopardizing the relationship with client. For example, one can try to instil hope, look for strengths, explore alternative perspectives, or look at exceptions.

It sounds justifiable since no harm is done and we also avoid over-taxing ourselves. Mostly it is workable and in fact these are accepted approaches in counselling. However, I wonder how it would be like to dwell "in" the despair together with clients.  

I had the opportunity to do this recently. There was certainly anxiety and fear that the session would spiral into oblivion. What kept me open and available to the dreadful experience was the practice of mindfulness, concentration, and insight.

To be fully aware of the happenings within me and with the clients, such as the strong emotions and negative thoughts. 

To maintain concentration so as not to be distracted or pulled away by these strong thoughts and feelings, especially fear. 

The final bit is still a work in progress: to be without fear, to feel free, knowing that there is no birth and no death. There is only the present moment here.

In coming near to the point of oblivion, it seemed a phoenix arose from the ashes.

The process is rather profound and I'm still contemplating on the experience and its effects on me and the clients.

Ordination

What does ordination into the Order of Interbeing mean.

Somehow it is insufficient for me to describe it as a religious ceremony. That seems to limit it to something mundane in this current day and age.

Perhaps it is like Death-Birth, a visible mark of change, so that ancient and precious Compassion and Wisdom may continue to manifest in this living body. And thereafter I may pass it on to benefit others through my thoughts, words, and deeds.

“Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, even so I am sending you.” And when he had said this, he breathed on them and said to them, “Receive the Holy Spirit"

-- John 20:21-22

Contemplation on a Nation's Peace, Happiness, and Prosperity

We, the citizens of Singapore,

pledge ourselves as one united people,

regardless of race, language or religion,

to build a democratic society

based on justice and equality

so as to achieve happiness, prosperity and

progress for our nation.

 

"In December 1976, while attending a conference in Singapore of 300 religious leaders sponsored by the World Conference on Religion and Peace (WCRP), Thay was informed by a group of Vietnamese women that there were thousands of Vietnamese in refugee camps in Thailand and Malaysia, with no hope of being accepted into a new country. In Singapore there were fewer refugees, because the government's policy there was to push all refugee boats back to sea, even when that meant leaving the refugees to die. If a Singapore fishing boat was caught helping a refugee boat, the fishing boat's owner had to post a $4,000 bond for each refugee saved. Only after the refugees were pushed back to sea could he get his money refunded."

-- Learning True Love by Sister Chân Không

You stay up late tonight, my brothers.

This I know,

because the boat people

on the high seas

never dare go to sleep.

I hear the cry of the winds

around me ---

total darkness.

Yesterday they threw the dead bodies

of their babies and children

into the water.

Their tears once again filled

the ocean of suffering.

In what direction are their boats drifting

at this moment?

You stay up very late tonight, brothers,

because the boat people

on the high seas

are not certain at all that mankind exists.

Their loneliness

is so immense.

The darkness has become one with the ocean --

and the ocean, an immense desert.

You stay up all night, brothers,

and the whole universe

clings to your being awake.

-- Thich Nhat Hanh