Battefield with Pain

 

There is no intention to fight or to suppress.

You are your mindfulness but you are also your pain.

We should not transform our self into a battlefield, the good fighting the evil. 

That's not the practice.

-- From Thich Nhat Hanh's dharma talk held on August 26th, 2013 at Blue Cliff Monastery, Pine Bush, NY.

Another realization of how difficult it is when one is ill. We're so used to being in control of our lives and when illness comes we fight it. The fight response is so natural and socially accepted. When learning to embrace it we are often confused and feel we are going the other way, that is, flight. Then we think we're defeated and emotions go downhill.  Our mind tends to be dualistic on many levels: me vs. illness, fight vs. flight, win vs. lose.

Formations

Fresh from a shower the beautiful twilight sky is filled with swallows darting and feasting away.

My little dog pees, walks, and sniffs away, unperturbed.

It's interesting humans have this capacity to appreciate the various external forms and internal feelings going on about us. Likewise this capacity also gets us into a mess when things do not go smooth in life.

A simple bout of flu can be a big thing for me as my sinus gets easily infected and makes it a long tedious road to recovery. My work plans are derailed, my time is spent cooped up at home. I feel aches, heavy headed, limp, clouded. Anger is easier to spark off and there is hesitation to communicate. Bad habits start to surface such as watching Youtube for hours aimlessly.

So how has the practice of mindfulness helped me? Foremost, I am better able to watch these feelings and realize it's not very practical in aiding recovery. I think this watching is very different from my past response which unknowingly lets the mind go astray. There is a quicker turn around to get back to the business of rest and recovery.

I am also better at observing which parts of the body need attention. I can better keep anger in check by not speaking and I can pull away from that long running TV drama on Youtube. It takes a while to return to my body with its present ill state so hopefully with practice I can better smile at suffering.

Reminders from the Five Mindfulness Trainings:

When anger is manifesting in me, I am determined not to speak.

I am determined not to try to cover up loneliness, anxiety, or other suffering by losing myself in consumption.

Effortlessness

When you sit and watch television, you don't make any effort. That is why you can sit there for a long time. When you sit in meditation, you struggle a lot, and that is why you cannot sit for very long. Please imitate the way you sit in the living room. Effortlessness is the key to success. Don't fight. Don't try hard. Just allow yourself to sit. This relaxing way of sitting is also resting. Allow your body to rest.

When you pour fresh juice into a glass and let it stand for fifteen minutes, all the pulp and particles sink down to the bottom of the glass. If you allow your body to sit in a relaxing, peaceful way, it calms your body and also your mind. Sitting like this allows you to enjoy your in-breath and out-breath, to enjoy being alive, to enjoy sitting here. To enjoy your in-breath and out-breath is a miracle, the miracle of being alive.

-- from "The Path of Emancipation" by Thich Nhat Hanh