Anxiety & Compassion

Falling sick is one difficulty in life but we tend to add on other layers of meaning to it, depending on the context.  

I was helping to facilitate a session of sitting meditation in the morning. Having an ongoing flu with irritating cough, I found myself worrying about how my voice will sound, whether I could sit in silence without coughing, whether I'll get too cold and shiver, and whether I'll be clear headed enough to speak clearly. The energy of anxiety/fear was there.

Rather than suppress the anxiety or brush it aside, I recognised that this was an energy that could be transformed for good use. I chose to reframe it with some other thoughts: 

1. Who is this event for?

2. What are we here for?

3. Why is this event important?

4. When will there ever be an optimal "me" to do this, if not now?

5. Where else can I be, if not here?

The questions helped de-center from the self, especially the expectations I have for myself and of how others may expect me to be. The focus shifted from "me" to "we", which brought more calm.

Still there was some residual irritation. So it was back to "me" again. My voice had become coarse due to the flu so it was not the me that I am used to -- I did not like this "me". The next step was to accept myself as I am, which needed a dose of self-compassion -- 

Breathing in, this is the state I am in; 

Breathing out, I accept this version of me.  

At the end of the activity, it was a pleasant surprise that I did not cough at all as it seems the transformed energy boosted my blood circulation which kept me warm and my throat moist. And from feedback, what I learned is that gentleness was felt in my voice regardless of my own perception of quality.

According to the creation story in the biblical book of Genesis, God said, “Let there be light.” I like to imagine that light replied, saying, “God, I have to wait for my twin brother, darkness, to be with me. I can’t be there without the darkness.” God asked, “Why do you need to wait? Darkness is there.” Light answered, “In that case, then I am also already there.”

-- Thich Nhat Hanh

True Name of a Flower

One day the Buddha held up a flower in front of an audience of 1,250 monks and nuns. He did not say anything for quite a long time. The audience was perfectly silent. Everyone seemed to be thinking hard, trying to see the meaning behind the Buddha’s gesture. Then, suddenly, the Buddha smiled. He smiled because someone in the audience smiled at him and at the flower … To me the meaning is quite simple. When someone holds up a flower and shows it to you, he wants you to see it. If you keep thinking, you miss the flower. The person who was not thinking, who was just himself, was able to encounter the flower in depth, and he smiled.

That is the problem of life. If we are not fully ourselves, truly in the present moment, we miss everything.

– Thich Nhat Hanh, excerpt from Peace Is Every Step

I received a question about what drives my practice as a counsellor, more specifically if there were religious values as my foundation.

My spring of inspiration is in working with people because I value compassion and love. It is not tied to any particular religion but it is the common ground of most religions.

A religion is like what we call a flower and there are many names: rose, lily, lotus, peony, and so on. The names represent the flower but it can never fully give us the experience of encountering the flower. Names are a human approximation for convenient communication and ultimately the names become arbitrary, and sometimes a burden to the flower -- it never asked to be named.

Smile and enjoy the flowers.