The Why of Living

Many have read Viktor Frankl's book, "Man's Search for Meaning". I read it last year and was perusing from the Internet how others have been touched by his writings.

• http://www.tamilnation.org/sathyam/west/frankl.htm
• http://www.rjgeib.com/thoughts/frankl/frankl.html

A particular image and phrase caught my attention.

"He who has a Why to live for can bear almost any How"

-- Friedrich Nietzsche

Sometimes the reasons why we do certain things may be lost in the gushing stream of life.

Vocation

How does one end up with a particular job; does a job choose us, or we choose the job? The newspapers recently featured grave diggers who do what most people would avoid. The journalist wrote about one of them, an experienced man in his 50s who has become respected for his meticulosity in finding all the bone fragments.

Looking at the tattoos on their bodies, society's first reaction would likely be to label them as "failures". Failure in life is often linked to low education, low pay, and labour intensive work.

When I read the article, what came forth was the sense of dignity that the man has. He spoke about the importance of retrieving all bones and the skill of locating the depth and orientation of the remains. Is this a mere job for failures or has his Dedication made it a vocation?

Recollections

Though Michael died only in April this year, I felt motivated to read through again what I had wrote as a message of support to his family. Perhaps this is a time of Peace that invites me to recollect and draw strength for the coming year. A particular phrase stood out for me:

' ... your stories about how you "stood" on other's shoulders reminded me that I had been doing the same. And you have become one of the shoulders that I stand on too.'

I hardly knew Michael in person but somehow the knowledge of his works and the brief interaction with him has influenced the understanding of my own life. Over the years, I wonder how many other "shoulders" have I unknowingly stood on. Teachers, friends, classmates, platoon mates, colleagues, and even authors and playwrights whose books, plays, music or films have moved me in some ways. I seem not to be standing alone and feel my life is enriched and supported by others regardless whether they are aware of their contribution.

往生 - Towards life

［往生］, I heard this phrase used recently in a Taiwanese news broadcast and it caught my attention. Typically Singaporeans use the phrase 过逝 and call the deceased 逝者, both connote a meaning of disappearance (逝去，消失). Even the English word "decease" traces its roots to a meaning of departure. 往生 had its origins in Buddhist teachings that espouse living an earthly life aimed at attaining nirvana (极乐世界), a different level or dimension of life for lack of a better succint description.

I am reminded of this journey towards life after reading David Epston's re-membering of Michael White. He has not departed from his life journey but continues in a different dimension journeying with those who continue to use his ideas in their own work.

Celebrate normalcy? Not so fast ...

A parent said to her son, "Why can't you be normal like ... ?" I was a bit surprised at the comparison between the teenager and myself. It felt pleasant at first but the feeling actually came from internal knowledge that I probably do not fit into the category of mainstream normalcy. It was ironic because of the incongruence between what is perceived of me and what I know of my self. It was also a sign that some investigative curiosity was needed to begin an exposé about this Normal. Derrida calls this process deconstruction. Surprisingly for the parent, Normal meant eking out a living and respecting self and body. So what is Normal to you?

Dilemmas

Can dilemmas, trilemmas, or any number of difficult choices be descriptive of all the difficult problems people face in life? Part of my work brings me to see families that have lost a parent, and the single parent is suddenly faced with the burden of deciding on things that the spouse used to take care of. I think to place all the "blame" on Dilemma can be rather unfair. Sometimes, Dilemma is created out of the feelings of desperation, of being ill-equipped, of lack of confidence. Perhaps Dilemma walked into life because of the vacuum left by the departed spouse.

Time seems to be a factor that helps a person cope. I keep recalling how Time and Space are often linked in the discourse of Science. With the passing of Time, there is creation of Space. And the finding of Space also provides Time for Healing. What does Healing encompass? Is it finding emotional stability, lessening of pain, or recovery to a previous desired state? Most people would recognize Healing when the grieving or hurt party resumes "normal" life. Things can and do appear "normal" but it would be wise to check with the person, after all, things can be better than "normal" too.