Instrument metaphor

I find the metaphor of a musical instrument an apt one for the role that counselling plays in a client's life.  I can be like a master craftsman that produces a variety of instruments, helps clients to choose one that fits their preference, and assist them to calibrate the instruments.

What they need to do is put in the hours of practice, develop their style, and put up a good performance.  They may learn to play from people they admire or from friends and other sources. I become a backstage audience that takes pride knowing the instrument I made has supported the success of the musician.  As I make more instruments I can further improve my craft to help other musicians.

Where there is hatred let me bring love
Where there is doubt let me bring faith
Where there is falsehood let me bring truth
Where there is pain I'll comfort you

Where there is silence let me sing praise
Where there's despair let me bring hope
Where there is blindness let me bring sight
Where there is darkness let me bring light

And with these words I speak
Grant that I may not seek to be heard but to hear
To be consoled but to console
Not to be seen but to see, to be loved but to love

For when we give love we will receive
When we forgive love we'll find reprieve
It is in dying we'll be released
Make me an instrument of peace, of peace, of peace

Re-membering practices

I am doing a series of reflections as part of a post graduate course on Narrative Therapy.  Overall there will be about ten reflection papers on various concepts and practices that currently form and shape Narrative Therapy.

Re-membering Practices

Reading the article on common questions about re-membering moved me to consider who might have contributed to my own journey in becoming a counsellor, especially the skills, knowledges, and values that I currently have (Russell & Carey, 2002).  Initially I thought of a few persons that might have been significant but realized that there was a long list of people, books, and even films and songs that contributed in their own way to my life.  In the past I might have termed these as “subconscious” influences or even downplayed them.  I imagine if I told someone Superman was some one I admired, this idea may easily be diminished or overlooked.

I have found re-membering helpful when working with children because they often have a favourite cartoon or comic book character that can lead to a revelation of what they value.  Often I hear colleagues, who are youth workers, say they “chit chat” with youths based on common interests.  I feel it would be more influential if such common interests were traced to certain skills or knowledges that could be further explored in a re-membering conversation.

I have faced situations where a client does not link any persons through re-membering and the advice on “do not race ahead of the person concerned” is a good reminder for me not to be carried away whenever potentially significant figures appear in their story.  Sometimes I face a dilemma in deciding which plots or themes to explore and the reading has helped lay down two basic criteria: i) the chosen theme should help reduce a sense of isolation, and ii) the chosen theme should contribute to building a richer alternative story.

Grief and Loss

The writing on the Women and Grief Project reflected a similar situation I encountered in one client (Dulwich Centre, 2008).  She is an Indian mother whose husband died a few years ago and ever since then she was very concerned over her young daughter whom she believed to be deeply affected by the loss.  When I asked about her own grief she finally poured out about the bad memories she had of relatives who handled the funeral rites in a way that she disapproved of.  She had kept her stories bottled up for a long time without an audience.   I imagine a similar programme to the Women and Grief Project could have been helpful for her and other women who feel subjugated in their culture.

She also mentioned being by her husband’s side in the hospital and telling him to let go as she promised to look after the children.  In his unconscious state, he shed a tear before departing.  She did not spend time grieving and started working long hours since then.  Looking back, it might have been greatly healing to interview her in re-membering her husband.

Legacy

In thinking about legacy I am reminded about how I could be re-membered by those whom I know personally and those who may benefit indirectly through my work (White & Epston, 1992).  This alternative perspective on my work with people inspires me to think about how I wish to leave a bit of me with clients.

The issue of mortality and immortality is of philosophical interest to me.  Reading Michael White and David Epston’s conversation on dying introduced relief from the pervasive notions of material existence (White & Epston, 1992).  In most Asian cultures, the notion of lineage is often emphasized as an important means to continue the family blood line and most people accept that procreation is a dignified purpose of life.  Therefore having children becomes valued as a personal legacy in society. But in the local LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgendered) community where adoption is not possible, there is little precedent knowledge about what else constitutes legacy for such individuals or couples.  A special project may help to create a new territory for such alternative knowledge to be shared within the community.  This project could be based on narrative practices to collect stories, skills, and knowledge of LGBT individuals and couples who construct their own special legacies.  I imagine such a project could also benefit some segments of the heterosexual community who are single or childless.

References
Dulwich Centre. (2008). Remembrance: Women and Grief Project. The International Journal of Narrative Therapy and Community Work(4), pp 60-71.

Russell, S., & Carey, M. (2002). Re-membering: responding to commonly asked questions. The International Journal of Narrative Therapy and Community Work(3), pp 45-62.

White, M., & Epston, D. (1992). 'A conversation about AIDS and dying' with Michael White & David Epston. In Experience, Contradiction, Narrative & Imagination: selected papers of David Epston & Michael White, 1989-1991. Adelaide, S. Aust.: Dulwich Centre Publications.

Externalising conversations & de-centered practice

I am doing a series of reflections as part of a post graduate course on Narrative Therapy.  Overall there will be about ten reflection papers on various concepts and practices that currently form and shape Narrative Therapy. 

The ethics of collaboration 
The ethics of control mentioned by Michael (White, 1997) stood out for me as it heightened my awareness of the dichotomies brought forth in the social service sector of Singapore.  One such dichotomy is between achievement and non-achievement of outcomes in the work that I do.  Such a dichotomy can exert pressures on how I work and sometimes I feel the “despair” of being caught in-between the voices of the client and the voices from a larger community who want to solve a problem that involves the client.

An example is when schools refer students and their families for counselling with me.  Often the desired outcome is one of problem solving to motivate students to return to regular schooling or to correct undesirable behaviours in school.  Teachers are often the ones to notice problems and make referrals but also often the ones who do not participate in subsequent meetings with the students or their families.  The result is that the outcomes desired by teachers and the outcomes desired by students and their families become distant or divergent.

When I read about the ethic of collaboration that goes towards building a “foundation of possibility”, I recall a recent meeting at a school with the student and his parent.  It was a rare occasion that the form teacher could join us.  Even though it was a short five minutes there was sufficient time to hear his expectations about outcomes, which were all about classroom behaviours. I could then clarify that my work ahead is more open-ended and not limited to the school context, and thus may not achieve such dramatic changes by the end of the counselling programme.  The teacher was a little surprised and realized that his expectations were being negotiated in the presence of the student and his parent.

I felt lighter after that dialogue in the family’s presence because there was a space for collaboration by organizing and inviting each party to speak.  After reading about the ethics of collaboration its significance is now clearer for me. 

Decentred practice 

The section on decentred practice described the micro-world of counselling and its potential to create monotony (White, 1997); I recall such monotony during one stage of counselling a client whom I had seen for over a year.  Because I had grown familiar with the client’s stories I gradually began to center my self in the therapy through the tradition of “self awareness”.  I began to wonder whether I could be better at the skills of counselling, whether I should see the client less often to prevent over-dependency, and so on.  Much of it became accountability for my actions rather than client’s.  There was indeed a sense of isolation.  A consultation with colleagues helped to dispel the feelings of isolation and helped validate my skills.  But still the focus was on me.

Now I have an acute awareness that various counselling traditions seem to contribute to the creation of this micro-world.  I am left with a dilemma about what to do with such traditions as “here and now” and “process versus content”.  These have been things that I valued from past knowledge and trainings. 

When I re-looked at the decentring practices, I found a way out of the dilemma.  The decentring practices were a way to harness the rich conversations between clients and others in their lives, including the therapist.  The conversations between client and therapist can be significant but I feel less burdened to make it so because it is only one alternative story in the counselling context. 

Externalising conversations

About a year ago I had this discussion with fellow practitioners on whether externalisation was an essential practice of narrative therapy.  We did not have a conclusion then.

A few things from the readings on externalising conversation stood out for me (Russell & Carey, 2002):

• “We sustain externalising conversations throughout the therapy process.”
• “That externalising is not a technique that we choose to use at certain times and then not at others.”
• “It can take some time, and much practice (both within and outside the therapy room) for the different language practices to become a seamless part of one’s work.” 

My understanding of externalisation had somehow become a technique.  In fact I realized my reference to it as “externalisation” implies it is finite and not a continuous process. I usually attempt to get the problems named by the client before I attempt externalizing conversations.  When the attempt fails, I tend to drop the externalising approach. I need to rethink about externalising conversations as a way of working rather than just being a “part of” my work.

Furthermore after reading the article on personalising AIDS and CARE, I am struck by how the conversations “only occur after extensive periods of consultation”  (Sliep & CARE Counsellors, 1996).  Sometimes I may be too eager to grab at the words that clients use and thus invite a sense of failure when externalising.  The CARE counsellors of Malawi consulted the community on the externalising project with respect to experiences of gender, AIDS, and sexuality.  For future externalising conversations to be useful I will want to consult clients in an extensive manner that allows externalising to occur collaboratively rather than be dependent on my own knowledges.

Externalising conversations often seem to conjure fun and drama, and yet difficult dilemmas can be raised.  I feel encouraged to inject such fun and drama into my own work yet I am not entirely comfortable.  Perhaps I need to trace the history of fun and drama in my own life and re-invite them to join in my work. 

References 
Russell, S., & Carey, M. (2002). Externalising - Commonly Asked Questions. The International Journal of Narrative Therapy and Community Work(2).

Sliep, Y., & CARE Counsellors. (1996). Conversations with AIDS and CARE. Dulwich Centre Journal(3), pp 141-156.

White, M. (1997). Part III: The Ethic of Collaboration and De-centered Practice. In Narratives of Therapists' Lives: Dulwich Centre Publications.