Re-membering practices

I am doing a series of reflections as part of a post graduate course on Narrative Therapy.  Overall there will be about ten reflection papers on various concepts and practices that currently form and shape Narrative Therapy.

Re-membering Practices

Reading the article on common questions about re-membering moved me to consider who might have contributed to my own journey in becoming a counsellor, especially the skills, knowledges, and values that I currently have (Russell & Carey, 2002).  Initially I thought of a few persons that might have been significant but realized that there was a long list of people, books, and even films and songs that contributed in their own way to my life.  In the past I might have termed these as “subconscious” influences or even downplayed them.  I imagine if I told someone Superman was some one I admired, this idea may easily be diminished or overlooked.

I have found re-membering helpful when working with children because they often have a favourite cartoon or comic book character that can lead to a revelation of what they value.  Often I hear colleagues, who are youth workers, say they “chit chat” with youths based on common interests.  I feel it would be more influential if such common interests were traced to certain skills or knowledges that could be further explored in a re-membering conversation.

I have faced situations where a client does not link any persons through re-membering and the advice on “do not race ahead of the person concerned” is a good reminder for me not to be carried away whenever potentially significant figures appear in their story.  Sometimes I face a dilemma in deciding which plots or themes to explore and the reading has helped lay down two basic criteria: i) the chosen theme should help reduce a sense of isolation, and ii) the chosen theme should contribute to building a richer alternative story.

Grief and Loss

The writing on the Women and Grief Project reflected a similar situation I encountered in one client (Dulwich Centre, 2008).  She is an Indian mother whose husband died a few years ago and ever since then she was very concerned over her young daughter whom she believed to be deeply affected by the loss.  When I asked about her own grief she finally poured out about the bad memories she had of relatives who handled the funeral rites in a way that she disapproved of.  She had kept her stories bottled up for a long time without an audience.   I imagine a similar programme to the Women and Grief Project could have been helpful for her and other women who feel subjugated in their culture.

She also mentioned being by her husband’s side in the hospital and telling him to let go as she promised to look after the children.  In his unconscious state, he shed a tear before departing.  She did not spend time grieving and started working long hours since then.  Looking back, it might have been greatly healing to interview her in re-membering her husband.

Legacy

In thinking about legacy I am reminded about how I could be re-membered by those whom I know personally and those who may benefit indirectly through my work (White & Epston, 1992).  This alternative perspective on my work with people inspires me to think about how I wish to leave a bit of me with clients.

The issue of mortality and immortality is of philosophical interest to me.  Reading Michael White and David Epston’s conversation on dying introduced relief from the pervasive notions of material existence (White & Epston, 1992).  In most Asian cultures, the notion of lineage is often emphasized as an important means to continue the family blood line and most people accept that procreation is a dignified purpose of life.  Therefore having children becomes valued as a personal legacy in society. But in the local LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgendered) community where adoption is not possible, there is little precedent knowledge about what else constitutes legacy for such individuals or couples.  A special project may help to create a new territory for such alternative knowledge to be shared within the community.  This project could be based on narrative practices to collect stories, skills, and knowledge of LGBT individuals and couples who construct their own special legacies.  I imagine such a project could also benefit some segments of the heterosexual community who are single or childless.

References
Dulwich Centre. (2008). Remembrance: Women and Grief Project. The International Journal of Narrative Therapy and Community Work(4), pp 60-71.

Russell, S., & Carey, M. (2002). Re-membering: responding to commonly asked questions. The International Journal of Narrative Therapy and Community Work(3), pp 45-62.

White, M., & Epston, D. (1992). 'A conversation about AIDS and dying' with Michael White & David Epston. In Experience, Contradiction, Narrative & Imagination: selected papers of David Epston & Michael White, 1989-1991. Adelaide, S. Aust.: Dulwich Centre Publications.