Falling sick is one difficulty in life but we tend to add on other layers of meaning to it, depending on the context.
I was helping to facilitate a session of sitting meditation in the morning. Having an ongoing flu with irritating cough, I found myself worrying about how my voice will sound, whether I could sit in silence without coughing, whether I'll get too cold and shiver, and whether I'll be clear headed enough to speak clearly. The energy of anxiety/fear was there.
Rather than suppress the anxiety or brush it aside, I recognised that this was an energy that could be transformed for good use. I chose to reframe it with some other thoughts:
1. Who is this event for?
2. What are we here for?
3. Why is this event important?
4. When will there ever be an optimal "me" to do this, if not now?
5. Where else can I be, if not here?
The questions helped de-center from the self, especially the expectations I have for myself and of how others may expect me to be. The focus shifted from "me" to "we", which brought more calm.
Still there was some residual irritation. So it was back to "me" again. My voice had become coarse due to the flu so it was not the me that I am used to -- I did not like this "me". The next step was to accept myself as I am, which needed a dose of self-compassion --
Breathing in, this is the state I am in;
Breathing out, I accept this version of me.
At the end of the activity, it was a pleasant surprise that I did not cough at all as it seems the transformed energy boosted my blood circulation which kept me warm and my throat moist. And from feedback, what I learned is that gentleness was felt in my voice regardless of my own perception of quality.
-- Thich Nhat Hanh
