Time for two 一念即三千;三千即一念

"Darling, I am here for you"
"I know you are there, and I am very happy"

It can be easy to slip into a pattern of negative thinking, conditioned by our own critical thinking and social views about what is "quality time" for a relationship.

These set up expectations that limit us from being fully present. When we cannot be fully present and allow our emotions of insecurity to rise up, then we are also affecting our loved one. In a way it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, a wrong view that propagates and reinforces itself.

Instead of letting views define what is "quality time", why not be fully present and construct the quality during the valuable short span of time with a loved one. 

By choosing and knowing how to be fully present, we walk on a path that leads to greater happiness and thus weaken the habit of stepping onto the negative pathways.

一念即三千；三千即一念。

The Way Out is In

As a counsellor, dealing with despair that exists in client's life is one of the most challenging aspects about the work. There is this kind of despair where one thinks the only way out is when life is ended. Confronted with this, I have sometimes felt that the work is overwhelming and I would be better off "out" of this. 

In counselling, stepping "out" means for me turning away or ignoring the matter on hand. There are many skilful ways to do this without jeopardizing the relationship with client. For example, one can try to instil hope, look for strengths, explore alternative perspectives, or look at exceptions.

It sounds justifiable since no harm is done and we also avoid over-taxing ourselves. Mostly it is workable and in fact these are accepted approaches in counselling. However, I wonder how it would be like to dwell "in" the despair together with clients.  

I had the opportunity to do this recently. There was certainly anxiety and fear that the session would spiral into oblivion. What kept me open and available to the dreadful experience was the practice of mindfulness, concentration, and insight.

To be fully aware of the happenings within me and with the clients, such as the strong emotions and negative thoughts. 

To maintain concentration so as not to be distracted or pulled away by these strong thoughts and feelings, especially fear. 

The final bit is still a work in progress: to be without fear, to feel free, knowing that there is no birth and no death. There is only the present moment here.

In coming near to the point of oblivion, it seemed a phoenix arose from the ashes.

The process is rather profound and I'm still contemplating on the experience and its effects on me and the clients.