Working with couples

I am doing a series of reflections as part of a post graduate course on Narrative Therapy. Overall there will be about ten reflection papers on various concepts and practices that currently form and shape Narrative Therapy.

I have always wondered since coming into contact with narrative ideas how might couples counselling be practiced.  Jill Freedman and Gene Combs’ writing (Freedman & Combs, 2002) provided me a comprehensive picture of how it could be done.  This helped validate that I was on the right track but somehow it did not address my doubts on the idea of “repositioning” in the definitional ceremony for couple work. It seemed daunting to begin on such a task especially with couples in “high and long standing conflict”.

After reading Michael’s paper on conflict dissolution (White, 2004), it became clearer to me that there was much to be considered and managed by the therapist.  It was a relief to read that it can be “extraordinarily difficult” to reproduce the tradition of outsider-witness responses between a couple.  So far my attempts have been getting into a re-authoring conversation with one partner while the other remains an audience, followed by a re-telling with the other.  This works when emotions are not so intense between them.  I also found the linguagram to be helpful in inspiring me to work with couples through externalizing their values, skills, and knowledges by placing them onto diagrams that can then invite further reflections to thicken the alternative stories (Løge, 2007).  I believe having words in print increases the effect of externalizing the words from the speaker, and thus enables couples to speak and notice the unheard stories about each other without escalating emotions.

I have always valued the strong emotions that are present between couples and amongst family members, and often wonder about how emotions can be part of the re-authoring process.  I noticed my practice had gradually shifted away from a “here and now” stance towards one that emphasized “journalistic enquiry”.  Perhaps this was influenced by what Michael White had mentioned during one workshop about his preference of not dwelling on emotions even though he may be touched by a client’s story.  Perhaps I had misunderstood what he said.  It was only recently that I found a fit for using the “here and now” practices after seeing how another narrative practitioner demonstrated her work.  I feel reconnected with what I value and this brings about greater possibilities for how I wish to work with couples and families.

References

Freedman, J., & Combs, G. (2002). Narrative couple therapy. In Narrative therapy with couples ... and a whole lot more! a collection of papers, essays, and exercises. Adelaide: Dulwich Centre Publications.

Løge, A. K. (2007). Conversations with divorced parents: Disarming the conflict and developing skills of collaboration. The International Journal of Narrative Therapy and Community Work, 1, pp 3-14.

White, M. (2004). Chap 1: Narrative practice, couple therapy and conflict dissolution. In Narrative Practice and Exotic Lives: Resurrecting diversity in everyday life (pp. 1-41). Adelaide: Dulwich Centre Publications.